I will never stop loving you.
I could not stay in your life, or you in mine, knowing you were with someone else and pretend to be okay with it. I messed up, I know I did. But so did you, and you not facing your responsibility is what cost you my presence in your life.
I love you, no matter what. I want to get in touch so bad, it makes me sick to my stomach. I want to tell you I love you and I want you to hold me like you once did. Back when I thought you really cared.
Maybe it’s my fault for thinking you did. We were so good together. We could have worked this shit out, like adults in love… like couples do everyday. That’s called compromise. But no, you decided on your own it was over. Even failed to notify me it was happening. You just faded away from my life, out of reach, so fast I did not realise.
You slowly tore down all my walls, gained my trust, became my friend. My rock. The one person I thought would never leave my side, someone I could rely on and who could always – ALWAYS – rely on me. Even when he’s being an asshole. Gee, I think if you showed up at my door I’d even be able to forgive you and agree to try again. That’s how stupidly in love I am.
You made it clear that you’ve moved on. So I am trying really hard to do the same. But it’s hard when my heart won’t follow me. Because it still belongs to you. I fooled myself into thinking deleting you from everywhere would make it easier. It does, but it’s only superficial. Deep down, you’re still here, in my head and in my heart.
How do I make you go away? Why did you leave when we could have found a way to make it work? Wasn’t I worth it? Wasn’t I good enough? Did you even love me? Did you even consider me your friend in the first place? … Does she make you happy? Do you want to grow old with her? Nah, I don’t want to know. I wanted to grow old with you. Travel the world with you. Say stupid shit and sing along to crappy songs with you. Stay in bed and watch movies with you. Laugh with you – Every. Single. Day.
My world was a much better place when you were in it. I wish I’d had the courage to tell you this when I still had the chance. I hope our paths will cross again one day. In the meantime maybe you’ll see that I never wanted it to end, ever. Maybe you’ll see your mistake, and not just mine. I’ll carry you with me everywhere I go and continue to wish you the best because you mean the world to me.
I love you, T. And I miss you so fucking much !